School Refusal or School Can’t
For the Easter school holidays, we start with a topic that may be on many parents’ minds after year group/school transitions in Term 1 – School Refusal or School Can’t.
Supporting an Autistic child who is unable to attend school can feel incredibly hard and isolating. If you’re not sure where to begin, please know that this is a common experience for many families, and it is not a reflection of your parenting or your child’s willingness to learn.
From what many families describe, school avoidance (often called school can’t) is not about defiance or lack of motivation. It is usually a sign that a child’s nervous system is under stress and that their needs are not currently being met, often due to a combination of anxiety, sensory overwhelm, learning demands, social stress, or feeling unsafe at school.
Below are some suggestions and resources that other parents have found helpful. You don’t need to read or act on everything below, feel free to focus only on what feels helpful for you right now.
Understanding school can’t
Ways to support your child
In working through school can’t, it is important to try to understand the reasons underlying the child’s inability to attend school. You could try:
- Documenting your child’s attendance for a while to see if there is any pattern in when they can and can’t go to school
- Building emotional safety with your child by listening calmly and without judgement
- Helping your child articulate what is difficult for them about school and brainstorming workarounds with them
- Exploring other options that might make your child more comfortable (Te Kura, Health School, a smaller school)
- Creating a gradual, supportive plan with your child and the school for a reduced timetable at first
- Gradually working towards attending more full days at school.
As you do this, please be aware that all students, regardless of their disabilities or whether they receive ORS funding, are entitled to attend the full school day. The school your child attends cannot require you to agree to a part-time attendance schedule. However, if you feel part-time attendance would be best for your child at this time, you are entitled to suggest this.
It may also be helpful to request a meeting with school staff to discuss the challenges that your child is experiencing and try to figure out a way forward. You could talk about:
- What your child finds hardest right now
- What helps them feel calm, safe, and engaged at school
- What accommodations they might need to be able to attend school
A short, strengths‑based “About Me” profile can help communicate needs with teachers: https://reframingautism.org.au/about-me-a-customisable-resource-for-your-childs-new-teacher/
If needed, you can also contact the Ministry of Education Learning Support team via your regional office: https://www.education.govt.nz/our-work/about-us/contact-us/regional-offices
In navigating these challenges, it can often help to talk to other parents who have had similar experiences. You can meet other caregivers through Parent to Parent’s support network (support groups, workshops, one-to-one support parent), your child’s school, or online forums such as the VIPS-Equity in Education Group on Facebook.
Here are some useful resources and supports that you might like to look at:
You can also learn about one‑to‑one parent support here: https://parent2parent.org.nz/how-we-help/support-parent-network/
Other helpful resources
If you have questions about any of this information, would like help deciding where to start, or personalised information specific to your situation, please get in touch.
If you feel it would be helpful, you can learn more about advocating for your child’s right to education in the following resources:
Five top tips for advocating for your child’s right to education | Parent to Parent
How to create collective partnerships with schools and manage conflict | Parent to Parent [short video]
Education rights and IEPs | Parent to Parent [short video]
