Planning a getaway to relax and regroup is hard enough for families who don’t have children with additional needs. Throw in the extra hurdles of finding appropriate, alternative carers for their child or safe, accessible travel and accommodation for them to join; time to plan beyond the daily ‘hamster wheel’; on top of the income constraints of unpaid caring responsibilities, and it’s easy to understand why many family carers never take a break.

That’s why this programme has had such an impact. It really is a life-changing gift to be given a free, tailored getaway that removes those barriers. Learn more about the programme here and please contact our funding team here of you would like to enable more families to access a getaway.

This is one mum’s story about how the getaway impacted her

“Our family unit is just my son and me. As a solo mum of a son with additional needs, it’s really hard to take a break. He’s nine, at primary school and I work full time, so it’s a bit of a juggle. Paying people to look after him isn’t affordable for us, and it doesn’t feel right asking friends to look after him so I can go away and do something fun. If I have to go away for work, that’s fine. But I don’t feel comfortable asking them to look after him so I can have some sort of leisure time.

“Before the Parent to Parent getaway,* I can’t remember the last time I had some respite. What I will say is that I’m at the stage where if I get to go away overnight for a work trip, I count that as respite. It’s still working long days, but even two or three hours on a plane somewhere is a huge mental break for me. I literally cannot think whether I’ve been away without him for leisure, probably not. I make the most of being away with work, even sitting down for an hour at an airport before boarding a plane.

“I took my friend on the getaway with me. I guess it was a way of saying thank you to her because we spend time at her house, my son and I. She is incredibly patient and kind and welcoming, but I’m still mindful that those can be quite challenging times, when we’re there. I wanted to be able to say thank you to her, because I feel like it’s a lot of one-way traffic, and to show that I really appreciate what she does, that I value her friendship and the relationship she has with my son.

“The weekend did wonders for my wellbeing. For starters, I had something to look forward to, even before we went. Just having a reason to take time off work and not having to worry about the cost of it, or that I should be spending the money on my child instead of something for me was huge.

“In fact, that was probably one of the biggest things. It just wouldn’t compute in my head to take time off work when I’m not going to be with my child, or to be spending money when there’re lots of things we don’t get support for that he needs—in terms of different therapists, all sorts of things like that—so to be gifted it made all the difference.

“Also, just to be peaceful and work through lots of things, and not be constantly looking around, thinking, ‘Where is he? Is he okay? Are the school going to ring me?’ All those things meant the mental load was a lot less, and there was time to have a think about what’s happened this year and to chat it over with a friend without being interrupted.

“So many things: fresh air, exercise, walking around enjoying little things; the time and the emotional energy to have a laugh, to be in a natural environment that is so beautiful, and to remind yourself how lucky you are to live in New Zealand, to be raising a child here, despite all the difficulties we currently have. Also, a chance to think about what I’m grateful for; a break from constantly going, ‘This is too hard.’ And a rest from fighting for a little while, fighting for your child, against things that discriminate against your child.”

“If I met the funders of your respite programme,* the people who have allowed this opportunity, the message I would pass on would be, ‘You change lives by doing it.’ It’s so valuable, and obviously, ‘Thank you!’ but thank you doesn’t seem enough; it’s not just a getaway, it gives people space, time; it relieves the financial pressure, which means that people can enjoy it; it’s healing; it’s something positive to look forward to and back on.

“It’s amazing how much you can work through during that time, which shifts the next part of life. It helped me to process some stuff that’s happened and, you know, shelve it somewhere, and to think about what’s coming next.

A little bit of time to get off the hamster wheel is an incredible gift to give somebody, and I really hope that other people get the experience as well, because it’s been fantastic.

“I still feel relaxed, even though I’m back at home, working full time, dealing with all sorts of other things. I have something lovely to look back on and think about—how every part of it was lovely, even the journey there was lovely. I hope you can keep providing these, and more people can access it, as it’s only when you see a group of people who are in this position that you can understand how stressed they are and the mental load they’re carrying, and continue to carry, because there is no plan B, frankly. The difference this gift can make is incredible.

“It’s also a really positive point of reference, so, when you think about the past, you’re not just thinking about all the really challenging things, in a particularly challenging year. You think back and there’s something lovely, a little glimmer of hope that means you can say, ‘There’s been some good times.’

“The long-term effect is you’ve had some time to plan into the future a bit, because mostly you’re in survival mode. I very much know that that’s where I live most days. We’re in the hamster wheel all the time, and sometimes we sort of slump, get spun around and thrown out. So, it was nice to sort of take a gentle step off the wheel and not be chucked off! That part was lovely.